At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
