he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
