That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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