I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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