is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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