using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
