Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
