it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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