i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
