After last night, I could never be a politician.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
