i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
