I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
