Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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