What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
