I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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