I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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