That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
