just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
