If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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