dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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