You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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