I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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