so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
