so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
