"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
