i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
God I need to hump something, right now.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
