What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
