I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
