you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
