I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
