the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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