I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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