More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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