I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
