I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
