she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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