Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
