i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
