This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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