you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
