the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
