So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
