It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
