Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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