i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
