is your mom at the bar?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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