my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
