dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well I just put wine in my tea
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
