I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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