Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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