Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
