Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
